If your child, partner, or someone close to you has been raped or sexually assaulted, it can be hard to know how to respond. You may feel unsure, scared, or worried about saying the wrong thing.
It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed - but your support can make a big difference in their healing.
What you might be feeling
You may be feeling:
- Shock, sadness, or anger
- Guilt for not being able to stop it
- Helplessness or fear for their future
- Frustration that they aren’t reacting how you expected
These are all valid feelings. There is no “right way” to feel - for you, or for them. Trauma affects everyone differently, and people heal in their own time.
Being present, patient and open can help them feel safer and less alone.
How you can help
1. Listen and believe them
Let them talk if they want to — and let silence be okay too. Avoid asking lots of questions or pressing for details. Simply saying “I believe you. I’m here for you.” can be powerful.
2. Reassure them it’s not their fault
Remind them gently: “You didn’t deserve this. It’s not your fault.”
3. Give them control
After an assault, it’s common to feel powerless. Help them regain control by letting them make choices - whether that’s about seeking support, what to talk about, or even simple everyday decisions.
4. Respect their pace
Try not to rush them or expect them to “move on.” Everyone heals differently, and it’s okay if things take time.
5. Take care of yourself too
Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally exhausting. It’s okay to seek support for yourself - through a trusted friend, professional, or support service. You matter too.
6. Encourage support - but don’t force it
Let them know what help is available (like Treetops SARC, counselling, or sexual health services), but don’t pressure them. Just knowing the options are there can be enough.
Helpful things you can say
- “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I’m here, whenever you’re ready.”
- “You’re not alone - we’ll get through this together.”
Things to avoid saying
- “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
- “You should have…”
- “Try not to think about it.”
- Anything that blames or questions their actions.
Even well-meaning words can feel harmful when someone is hurting. Focus on care, not fixing.
You are Not Alone
Being there for someone after a sexual assault is not easy. But your support - calm, non-judgemental, and loving - can be one of the most important things in their recovery.